STOP!

i was depressed abt regrets i have abt life... so i stopped coffee b4 i had an addition to my regrets list, a regret that i may had to live with or wud had died for.

i got fedup with the way things were goin.. day in day out... everynite same crap over and over again. this led me to depression. this depression led me to dangerous ways. remorse of my past, i lost track of present. things that were around me. during this month, i became double the shit head that i was b4 :\ thinking abt life, thinking abt tomorrow led me no where. coffee that i started so i cud get away from it all, has made me weak. its made me insomic. hell i made my self insomic. my throat hurts, my ears seem inflated, my kidneys kinda hurt. the only sleep i am getting is when i am feverish which by they way i am getting more n more these days. everything seems crapy to me. i look at anything and i start cussing at it. may it be living or non living. i came close to messing up somone's face bad more than once. either i am not talking at all or i am cussing. dont even realize who i'm talking to unitl its too late.

the ways things are goin, the way i am acting... i think i dont give a damn abt anything. if i dont care wat happens to me, then y wud someone else wana care? and the ppl who do care i dont seem to be listening to em. ppl have to much shit of their own to take care of, then to worry abt otheres. everything changes with time, so have i. but i havent changed for the best.

today at the viva i cud had studied for each and every question teacher asked me. hell i had everything. books, net, notes.. but still... i need a 3.5+ gpa this semester to get back in the game. dad pays for everything.. every single thing i spend on. i see ppl working and studying the same time, coz they cant afford it. everyone wants wats their, everyone wants wat they pay for. so i better show a better result. or i shud start working. either case someting has to change. with all those changes, more change wont hurt.

Life cant hurt me no more

Listening to Distrubed - Darkness

and i am still making the project :\

i saw the car coming... i saw the bike coming... and still i stepped down from the pavement.. still i crossed the road. didnt give a damn abt anything. if not me, i cud had killed those two... fuck! ive become a hazard to society.

first they dont teach us anything in the class.. then they take vivas as if we'r born with a "Electrical Machines" - P.C. Sen book :\ then they curse us for not paying attention in the class.. like fuck u. then they get pissed off when u lay down the facts to them. i am happy abt the clash thingy at uni yesterday.

wonder y ppl dont listen when u tell em nicely :\ one of these days someone gona get screwed up. may be more screwed up then they actaully deserve :S people... stay the hell away from me.... i mite bite!

I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. :)

SHUTUP!! DONT TALK TO ME!!!

THIS CRAP WILL KILL MEE :)

silence in midst of a storm

wat am i? a reason, season or a life time...

light shows u the way. light gives u the insight. light rules when darkness prevails. light up and beyond. light deep within. but wat if ur eyes cant take the light? wat if the light makes ur eyes close? u cant make ur way thru with ur eyes closed, can u? wat if its darkness that calms u down?

YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I AM HHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

last nite was crapy :S crapity crapity crap crap.. my crap.. mine... all mineeee.... :)

fuckn SOBs.. and to say they call them selves teacehers. its them who screwed with us in the first place.. then they take it down on us by taking out 10-15 marks for no reason :@ whole class's GPA went down.. mine.. 2.99 :@@ all i can say is i pray to GOD jo unho nay hamaray saath kyia.. woh un kay saath bhi ho :@ yes i am bad-duaing.. SUE ME!

when nothins goin right then wats the point of optimissim.. fuck life! i'm getting high!

EXILED!! :@

huston we have another problem :S whenever my mouth opens.. i either end up pissing someone off.. or dissing someone bad :S it just happens.. i can help it.. and all for no reason. oh Juzer! where art thou.

when i used to be online most of the time.. dad used to get pissed. when i'm not online these days.. hes still pissed :\ like damn if u do and damn if u dont. my last semester result was late. i told him i passed and he replys me by saying that i'm hiding my 'real' result from him :@ like.. if he wasnt my dad, i wud had replyed him with a cuss-mail :@ damn :S i need to control this mouth of mine. either i dont talk at all.. or i start cussing at somehting :S dementedly disturbed :)

sorry to all the ppl i dont talk to when they want me to talk.. sorry to all the ppl who i dissed coz they made me talk,.. sorry to all the ppl who i cussed at for no reason :\

make sense damit :S
no one wants to hear crap... so its mine... all mineeee... :)

i wont have coffee today morning.... coz am still high from the last nite one :)

just when i was cutting down on it i flipped :\ :$ oh well.. live for the moment.. :) let fate take its way.. let life unfold for it self.. i'll just tip toe behind it :)

two classes of digital electronics.. LOL that guy cant teach even in 4 classes.. phir kehta hay shoor nahi karo nahi tou class choor donga.. class may lecture day kar konsa teer mar raha hay :S dont know where they get these kinda teachers :@ i just pray he doesnt mettle with me.. coz i'll give him a piece of my mind :@ watevers left of it :
wat i need to do is think b4 i leap :S ive been cussing and dissing alot.. :( ive become a bad person, in the process ive been mean to good ppl too. am fucked up, no need to screw other ppl rite :S

i used to be so creative.. drawing.. ahh drawing, used to that alot.. ive still got those drawing pencils and colors and stuff.. no one uses em anymore.. :\ hell i cant hold a pencil rite anymore :S freakn life.. freakn me.. bad me.. demented me.. crapy me... me me me.. mine... all mineeee

when ur hands are shaking and head is spinning then... huston we have a problem!

yyyaaaaayyyyyyyyy i flunked the network II test :D

bummer :S

y the fuck i bother coming online when am just gona sit there and stare... fuck it am out :S

I pray for words to my mind... I pray for a Shadow at hind

Din tou beet gaiy... yaadien kyoun choor gaiy?
zakhm tou bhar gaiy... nishaan kyoun choor gaiy?

half those things are most unlikely.. but the thought counts rite... EC/T

yesterday i cut down on coffee... today i was back to getting high on it.. i think i still am :S