u show some concern and they reply back in a fucked up manner :\ well.. fuck u! aint got time for shit. u can keep ur crap to ur self then!

the things is, there r ppl out there with problems bigger and more serious then mine.. so shut the fuck up!

and yeah, i feel like crap :)

dunya may gham dainay bohat hain.. dunya may ghussa dilanay walay bohat hain.. magar dunya may hansanay walay kitnay hain? agar hain, tou kiya unhay koi gham nahi? unhain koi ghussa nahi?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Very High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

:)

i feel like crap, both physically and mentally.. :) and i keep telling my self, its all gona pass by, one day i will turn back and laugh at it all... either that or death will become me before these days go by :)

as soon as u think its all past now. uve moved on, something outa the blue slaps u back. guess happy ending isnt meant for all characters...

note to self: never sit idle.. never.. :
cant always be doin something.. now can i.. insaan hoon may bhi.. kiya kiya jaiy ?
either this coffee aint real, or i cant get high anymore :/

kiya hoga mera?

how do u know if this isnt the real me? i wish i cud turn off my thoughts. i wish i cud change the past. i wish i had a aim. i wish i had answer to simplest of questions. i wish i had all that, that was supposedly mine. if wishes were to come true, then they wudnt be wished wud they... that wud be wat we call fate.. getting wat is urs.

hazaro may tanhaiy ka alam?

ello bloggy.... atleast i cant hurt u or piss u off :) i shudnt had replied :( i'm a bad person. taking out something that wasnt intended for anyone at all. saying sorry doesnt cut it, does it?

lol i cant even get high anymore... or watever that feeling was. kehtay hain jo ziyada hasta hay woh rota bhi ziyada hay.. hasna tou ho gaya.. dil say na sahee.. magar hasee tou hay na. now all i need r tears. just something inside that needs to be set free.

searching for a face that doesnt exist anymore, atleast not for me... everytime i see her, i break to pieces and still i have a smile on my face. during the day, its jojo the jester... have i any other choice?

some simple questions:
Q1- whos my role model
ans- no one

Q2- wats my aim in life
ans- dont know

Q3- have i made a difference in anyones life
ans- no

Q4- number ppl died after wat i said
ans- 1

Q5- will i ever become 'asli'
ans- the day i die

wana curse something so that it never happens.. contact me n i'll pray for it, hotay huay bhi nahi hoga :) koi kuch dua karnay ko kehta hay.. i just try to forget abt it. kyoun kisi ki qismat ko thokar maroon.

i wish i cud leave khi. i wish this life wud just end....

when will it stop.. when will it go away? wats the end to it all? death may be.. death is inevitible..

just drop everything. thinking and trying to take action is no good..

away.........

dont expect anythign from me.. fuck off everyone..its for ur own good..

and so i'm back in pakiland... out of riyadh for good... they say home is where heart is, i dont know where my heart is.. so that means i have no home... till my heart finds a place, let 'home' be a pending dilema...

cheers...
no its not coffee.. its Holsten :> like i forgot how much i like this thing.. i'm gona miss it though.

its weird how dad seems to get pissed off at just abt everything ive got to say in 'official' matters. i dont say anything wrong, but it seems all wrong to him. well from now on i aint saying anything. he can do watever he thinks is rite and then regret it if its wrong. dont make no difference to me. i'm just a mumbling idiot who talks weird so that i dont think abt other 'things'. is my jaaliness the answer to all? for the questions that circle around r far more. if this keeps on, i mite just become a psycotic serial killer who kills for cereal boxes :
these r the last days in riyadh.. this place.. this flat.. i was born and raised here.. well actually i was born in a hospital that khajoors demolished 7-8 years laters :\ however my life was here.. watever that went passed here.. i will miss it.. if not remember all of it in my life to come.. but i will have some numbered memories of it.... and even those that i wud like to forget.

gdi and devil gona be here no 30th june.. looking forward to that day.. havent met em in over a year.. i wonder if the whole group is gona ever get together some day or not.

every light that shines... casts a shadow somewhere...

yesterday's dinner at Y ch's place was good. i was suppose to 'miss' that dinner, but couldn't do it. goin to riyadh rite now. flite at 11:30am. like :s its no big deal anymore, getting a ticket and all, as if goin to hydery for the weekend and mamu's place.. well at mamu;s place ive got things to do, riyadh, its plain boring. oh well packing it is then... dekhtay hain kiya hota hay.

she looked so nice yesterday.. sigh.. may be riyadh is wat i need rite now, break from pakiland...

the more u want.. the more its pushed far. pushed far till it fades away. fades but leaves traces. traces but dont lead to its origins. origin with a destination written for no one to change. change is always for the best. best is the life u want. wat u want is always more than u need. the more u want...

*DELETED*

i see happiness in her face... she waited quite long enuff for this. i wont pray and curse it, let things just be. 'K'

i'm my worst enemy! save me from my self. free me from my self. death isnt the solution...

words to mind maketh no sense, shadow at hind taketh no resemblence

y ask me questions that i dont have answers to? y think of thoughts that tend to submerge me to numbness? reverting to lost ways? trying to find identity to shadows that lurk behind? y cant i just think straight? y cant i just let things go? my 'fake-ness' has the upper hand, may be its better that way?

i cough and it feels as if my lungs gona pop out or pop up inside :\

decending to splitting ways, corridors of life, leading one to another. door, exit from one place or entrance to another... doesnt matter cant find a door anyways. going around in circles. lol, gona end up 'dai ja vue'ing a 'dai ja vue'

electrical machines tomorrow, i hope it goes good. atleast break the decendence order :S