and yeah.. dukha`an mush koi`es :/

human being is quite an intelligent creature. it can justify absolutely anything as right...

so i keep wasting time.. its fun wasting time :) but i dont wana be screwed this semester..

my defination of life keeps changing. watever the defination, i cant seem to follow it :/ no wonder it changes.

"woh na hua, kiya pata ussi may bhalaiy ho" kiya pata... cant know for certain. i'm not living in the past anymore, but i dont have much of an optimistic attitude towards the future either.

i feel lonely.. i feel so lonely...

we wish for alot of things.. but i realised something.. one should wish for a proper burial!

*its like my dad has no interest in what ive to say, and he no interest in what i can do. if thats how he wants it to be, so shall it be. may be i have nothing to offer to him, or to anyone else for that matter.

*she came to visit 2 days b4, y? may be coz i didnt go there for a while now. but for what. its all going to end after we move from here :)

*as he talked on about how 'he' will die n how hard its going to be on everyone n all.. i couldnt give a fuck abt it :/ for all i cared was for him to die and get it over with. there was this movie on a couple of days back with explosions and ppl dieing n all.. as i watching it, i realised i had this smirk on my face :/ cold.. how did i become so cold?

*on a another note, ive got high blood pressure. dont know howd that happen... but i do. and due to which liquid refuses to stay in my body... all the liquid i intake gets pissed out or sweat out and that too quite fast :/ so i mite end up lying faint on the side walk one of these days :D

i am evil. really i am. i can curse someone from within my heart, and it happens! they actually get cursed. i tend to make bad things happen just like that :/ ppl say dua karo keh yeh ho jaiy... dua karo woh ho jaiy... its like tell me if u dont want that particular thing to happen :|

khair i did curse someone, and it happend :) i am not proud of the fact, but still it happened. every two months or so, a friend's relative dies. ive been to the graveyard more in past 8 months than i have in 3 years. same place, and somewhat the same time. when people were crying here and there, i would be standing in a corner wondering if i can get a glass of water :/

i'm not feeling much of anything these days. ive gone cold :) may be thats the only way you can survive. caring about other people before yourself doesnt return much of anything, coz they will screw u first chance they get.

quite alot of random thoughts. who cares if they arnt important :)

its no use talking to somebody.. coz i'm not going to actually talk to the person :\ its just how i am. yeah i know i'm weird :) but isnt everyone? its the abnormalities of our ways of life that makes us an individual. no one remembers a normal person, coz they dont exist.

khair.. on a brighter note, we bought a house.. finally! :D

early mornings are so heavenly... steaming cup of coffee, cool breeze blowing and good music to ears... aahhh... i do appreciate people's concern, really i do. i dont mean to blow them off like that, but the issues i have were created by me... so they need to be resolved by me... and so they shall be. after we move to the other place, things will change. distance will indeed play its role :)

no random thoughts these days... just one... thought of death!

so i listened to her.. i heard everything she had to say. for some, i do think it wasnt her fault... but come on :S i feel sorry for some part but i dont know wat else to tell her. i mite be the only one who agrees with her for some part and still its me she gets pissed off saying ur just like the rest of em? as fucked up as it may sound, she has nothin to live for. shes goin to hell as it is, mite as well speed up the process :S but NOT ON MY CONSCIOUS! its enough i have to live with one death! like i said, everyone is entitled to an opnion :S i'm not a good listener, more like a fucked up one.. with nothin to say to the other person.

they ask for ur opinion, but they never want to hear what they dont like. they dont wana agree with u. they dotn wana hear anything negative abt wat they'r doin.. so y the fuck ask for other's opinions? :S u wana die? go die on ur own time. do watever u wana.. my head is already too fucked up :S and they tell me stop drinking that crap :\

so im not a good person? wat else is new :S i dont give a fuck anymore.. really.

meri udasi may kahee tum muskrati hogi? paah! yeh armaan hain teray... armaan...

ive been feeling so miserable since yesterday.. so fuckn miserable!
i cant get enough of this crap either. everyone one i know, who knows abt my coffee issues has told me to quit. but whenever i decide to, something fucks up everything. i cant sleep when i'm so dead tired, so if u cant beat em... join em?
lol, have u known a person who is actually afraid to pray for anything?
miserable, so pathetically miserable!

its these scars that tell u... wat happened in the past was real!

everyone is entitled to an opinion... no matter how fucked up it may be.

irony of the situation... having java while studying java :)

if your not part of the solution, then your a part of the problem... :)

What am i? a reason? a season? or a lifetime?
a somewhat old question.. but it does make one think...

i have to no i need to sort out a few things. ppl say they care.. ppl say alot of things. at the end, all they r just words. no one can be sure of 'words'

i have to no i need to sort out a few things.

i dont actually feel sorry for her either. i should, but i don't.

all it takes to end it... is a click of a mouse :) so what kind of relationship we talking about? something that hangs on a thread as weak as that... a medium between any relationship, cant be a real one...

...then again those r my thoughts. doesnt mean u have to agree with em :) mine... all mineeee!

to some, life is literally cruel. is it their fault, that life came to them as it did? technically speaking it is, but thats another issue. they cant change it now. what they can do... is make the rite choices now, atleast make their worldly life comfortable. but u cant really always make the rite choices, can u? so what choices are we talking abt? none! its the circumstances of life that makes u turn for a way. hoping it to be a rite way doesnt cut it either. u need to be prepared for the road ahead. stones and thorns cant move on their own. so wat am i trying to say? nothing! thoughts dont always lead to making sense. somethings are better off senseless...

wat he meant to say was... your a worthless piece of shit, whos been freeloading all this time
:)