awake since 6am yesterday morning :) i tried sleeping after i came home from uni, but.... well... i cudnt sleep.. my eyes just wudnt close.

y do i wana hurt my self... may be so that no one else can hurt me. inflect more pain in my self so that all other pain seem like a needle prick. i cudnt get my priorities in order. i cudnt find an aim in life.. i cudnt find a path for life... mite as well 'live' the day and get it over with. the hell with kal ho na ho. i shud atleast start living my day's life. aint even doin that.

i shud open more to others. but first i need to open up to my self. there things deep inside that have been there a long time. may be they r there to be forgotten with time. time heels all. but time waits for none :\all wounds of flesh heel with time, but they still leave a mark. guess wounds were never meant to fully go away.

"u said call em, not me. so ur saying ur not my frnd" (charmzZz) wonder wat ppl have in their minds for the defination of 'frnd' well ive lost the defination of frndship. ur suppose to tell everything to ur frnds.. better get buddy buddy with my inner self first.. sometimes i simply despise my self.. of wat i do.. of wat i am.. of wat ive become. i told my coz to back off from coffee.. not even one snip. who am i to do that.. am having coffee like hell.. y cant he.. may be coz its bad for him. may be he cant handle it. but can i? its bad for me.. but it feels so good for a while.. not a thought in mind. just no thoughts.. no one can understand that. but still that much cafine will kill me for sure. aint afraid of death.. but in no mood to do anything suicidal either.


leave thy feelings at bay, for this world has no space for emotions