i got fedup with the way things were goin.. day in day out... everynite same crap over and over again. this led me to depression. this depression led me to dangerous ways. remorse of my past, i lost track of present. things that were around me. during this month, i became double the shit head that i was b4 :\ thinking abt life, thinking abt tomorrow led me no where. coffee that i started so i cud get away from it all, has made me weak. its made me insomic. hell i made my self insomic. my throat hurts, my ears seem inflated, my kidneys kinda hurt. the only sleep i am getting is when i am feverish which by they way i am getting more n more these days. everything seems crapy to me. i look at anything and i start cussing at it. may it be living or non living. i came close to messing up somone's face bad more than once. either i am not talking at all or i am cussing. dont even realize who i'm talking to unitl its too late.

the ways things are goin, the way i am acting... i think i dont give a damn abt anything. if i dont care wat happens to me, then y wud someone else wana care? and the ppl who do care i dont seem to be listening to em. ppl have to much shit of their own to take care of, then to worry abt otheres. everything changes with time, so have i. but i havent changed for the best.

today at the viva i cud had studied for each and every question teacher asked me. hell i had everything. books, net, notes.. but still... i need a 3.5+ gpa this semester to get back in the game. dad pays for everything.. every single thing i spend on. i see ppl working and studying the same time, coz they cant afford it. everyone wants wats their, everyone wants wat they pay for. so i better show a better result. or i shud start working. either case someting has to change. with all those changes, more change wont hurt.

Life cant hurt me no more